Metiphorical Demise
by wynturchylde
Summary: On a day off Koenma suddenly remembers something about the Reiki Tentai, or more specifacaly, Hiei. All of the terms of his probation are not being adressed. What is the final requirement and how will it effect the flame youki?
1. MD1

**Metiphorical Demise**

I didn't type this on my usual program, so no spell check, and it's 3 in the mourning, so please forgive any mistakes.

C.o.M.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, this stands for the entire fic.

The great Koenma, prince of the Spirit World, more commonly known as Reiki, was for the first time sence he can't remember when, finished with his paperwork. He sat at his desk, sucking on his pacifier in disbelief. He was missing something, he knew it.

But there were no documents in his 'IN' basket, all of them were neatly piled in the one on the opposite end of his desk, clearly labled 'OUT.' He checked sevral times, just to be sure. Alright, no papers to push, so that wasn't what had to be done.

There was something, he _knew_ it. Reiki Tentai...? Getting closer, he could feel it. No new missions, it seemed that all the demons that needed to be concerned with didn't feel like getting their butts kicked, so it had to be something about one of the members...

Yusuke... currently training with Genkai, everything was fine there. Kuwabara... at school, being the good little punk, or umm, as good as punks get. Kurama... At school and at home with his human family, there were no new infractions to his name, he dosen't cause any trouble. He fullfilled all of the terms of his proba-.....

"THAT'S IT!!!" Koenma yelled, startling his Oni out of his nap. "Ogre," he commanded. "Fetch me the probation records for Hiei Jaganshi."

"Yes Koenma, sir," the afforementioned Oni mumbled and loped off to the record room. Moments later he retuned, Koenma took the folder and promptly opened it.

The record contained all the necessaries. Picture, description, a list of the condemned crimes, and... Bull's- Eye. A short piece on the punishment:

_"Through much dileberation, the council has decided to place Jaganshi into program 392. The criteria of this punishment is as follows: The condemned must remain in Nengenki (human world). A tracer will be temporarly placed on their youki so that their movements may be watched. During their time in the Ningenki the condemned will be placed under the services of the closest available Tentai. The condemned will also be required to maintain regular positive contact with humans. This contact with humans, as well as services to the Reiki, will be continued without lax for the condemned during the entire period of time which has been determined for their punishment. If these requirements are not met by the fourth month of the program, they are to be removed from the program and another punishment will be sought."_

"Well, that's fine for Kurama, he lives with humans," the Reiki Prince mumbled. "But Hiei is another matter all together. He has no regular contacts with humans, I'll have to arrange something."

"Over my dead body," a voice spat.

Koenma's head shot up. There was a black clad figure leaning against the door frame to his office. Blood red eyes set firmly in a glare that promised an excrutiatingly painful death by the most horrid ways imaginable.

"Hiei, what are you doing here?"

"Th-that was me Koenma, sir. When you said you wanted Jaganshi's records, I asumed you wanted him as well. So I summoned him here, I hope you're not upset." The Oni said, bowing deeply.

"Well, I didn't want him, Ogre, but this saves time."

"There is no way in fucking Hell that I'm going to go traipsing around one of those 'malls' with an insignificant, pansy, weak little _ningen_ who is not worthy of breathing the same air as I do."

"Well, you don't have a choice in the matter. It's in the terms of your probation." Koenma paused, his eyes narowing in suspicion. "How do you know that you need to associate with humans?"

"You were reading out loud," the fire demon sneered.

"Oh," Koenma sweatdropped and quickly recovered. "Well, I do agree with you in one part. We can't have you actually being in the presence of a human, given your attitude about them. So we'll just have to arrange something else-"

Just then a ferry-girl softly knocked on the open door frame and quickly scuttled in. Quickly placing a thin manilla folder on Koenma's 'IN' basket she quickly bowed and took her leave. Tuning out Hiei's vehement rants and curses at the moment he picked up the folder and skimmed the contents. It concerned humans, or more specifically, one human. However the problem that arose was rectified by other humans present, so it was nothing to be concerned with. Spirit World just needed a record, and Koenma needed to see it. Noticing a helpful little tidbit Koenma stamped the folder, but did not put it in the 'OUT' basket. He loved his genus mind very, very much.

"Damned fucking Demi-Gods who can't seem to get their putrid pacifier out from their asses. It must be a very common fucking mistake, concitering there is hardly a difference between their ass and their face. Stupid cum-sucking-gutter-sluts running Reiki and dishing out assinine-"

"HIEI!!" Koenma bellowed, stopping the raving demon mid-sentence. "I have the solution."

Affore mentioned fire demon glared, his left eye twitching.

"You will not actually be in the presence of a human, you won't even have to hear their voices."

Hiei's eye stopped twitching, but he still glared demise.

"Instead you will undergo correspondence. Writing letters back and forth with a human. This human." Koenma said lifting up the newly stamped record. "Concitering that today, ironically enough, is the last day of the deadline, you will have to supply a letter by tonight and have it in the mail by tomorrow mourning at the very latest. You will maintain this correspondence, sending out a letter no later than a week after every reply." Koenma scribbled out the name and adress in the folder onto a spare piece of paper and healed it out to Hiei. "Do this, and the terms of your probation will be concitered complete."

Hiei stalked over to the Prince of the Spirit World and snached the paper out of his hands and abruptly flitted away.

Placing both floders in his 'OUT' basket, the all mighty and merciful demi-ruler of the Reiki settled in for a well diserved break.

_Things to do in chapter 2: Find out who Hiei has to write to (OC duh, but I'll try not to make the charecter boring.) Ask Kurama for help and adventures at the post office. Review please!! _

_C.o.M_


	2. MD2

Metiphorical Demise  
  
_As always, I'm open to suggestions for the story, especially for the summary. I sound like some sort of psychic. Which is an insult to all psychics out there. I also have a question pertaining to this fic. Who were the people that Hiei founght during the first Maiki tournament? I can't remember, I haven't had a television for over nine months, so help me please. I will donate chapters to whoever suggests things and gives me info, so you don't go completely without compensation. Thanks and on with the fic._  
  
C.o.M.  
  
There was a small black clad person on the streets of a certain Japaneese city who was currently commiting several acts of vandilisim and noise pollution. Said crimes occoring in the forms of physical abuse to street lamps, parked cars, trash cans, benches and many other common items that the perpitraitor happened to come by. Oddly enough, arson may as well be added to the list, because any items that were not within kicking distance spontaniously combusted for no aparent reason. All the while the diliquent, who appeared to be no more than twelve, was spouting off curses and obcenities to such a degree as to make even the toughest punk he happened by to run away screaming for his mother.  
  
Hiei Jaganshi was not happy. Stupid pacifier breath with his assinine probation and the useless requirements. It could have been worse, he mused. But that didn't help. One strange human was alright, he guessed, all he had to do was stomach their presence. But no, that baka toddler had to go and add insult to injury. Hiei didn't know the first thing about writing letters, or the human postal system. Of corse Koenma probably thought Hiei wouldn't mind this process, would probably prefer it, but the Jaganshi was incapable to process such crude and worthless actions like kindness at the moment.  
  
A block away form his destination Hiei ceased his violence, but continued to curse under his breath. Trudging in this state for a while more he jumped into a tree and peered inside a window. Sitting at a desk in an impeccabaly clean room was a seventeen year old boy with long thick locks of rose red hair. Hiei rapped on the window. The boy looked up with startling green eyes and raised an eyebrow. He glided up from his chair and over to the window and opened it wide.  
  
"I assume you were the cause of the multiple fires today?"  
  
"Hn."  
  
"That wasn't very respocible of you."  
  
"Shut it Kurama."  
  
"Just a sepculation, but I'd say that you're in a rather foul mood, Hiei."  
  
"_Astute_ observation, kitsune. What_ever_ could have _possibly_ given you that idea."  
  
"Why Hiei, I do believe you are being sarcastic."  
  
"I refuse acknowlege that with a responce."  
  
"You just did."  
  
Hiei glared at the other demon. "Baka kitsune." But the fire demon was reasonably subdued, his ex-partner won that round.  
  
The fox demon turned human sat back down in his deck chair and swiveled aroung to face the other. "So what seems to have gotten you in such a foul temper?" he inquired.  
  
Hiei plopped down on the bed and recounted his conference with the Prince of the Spirit World. Becomming increasinlngly irritated while he did so. Kurama just sat back and listened, playing the part of the psychaiatrist. His newest hobby, he speculated.  
  
"-And now I have to write to this baka ningen and completely waste my time."  
  
Kurama, who was rather amused by the situiation, pulled his wallet from his back pocket and checked inside of it. "This is a requirement, Hiei, so it must be done. The first thing we need to do is go to the post office and rent a box in your name. I'll pay for that, and stamps, you can compensate me with demonic currency later, consitering you have no yen."  
  
Hiei glared. "What the Hell is a stamp?"  
  
For some stange reason or another the fox was plagued by a random fit of the giggles while the two demons were leaving the house and they only relented after they were halfway down the block. The remainder of the short walk was spent with Kurama filling in the details of the use of the human postal service to a disgruntled fire demon. By the time they arrived at the large brick building Hiei had a fair idea how the system worked.  
  
While Kurama was discussing the rental of a box with the Post Master, Hiei took the liberty to explore. It was...white. The tiles were white, speckled with black. the boxes were chrome and grey, there were chrome railings and name plates on the walls that read things like 'Local' and 'Out of Town'. By the time all was said and done Hiei had a better idea of how this worked and thought he could manage on his own.  
  
The two demons left the post office and Kurama presented Hiei with a little copper key, a book of stamps with thirty-two of the little stickers, and a box of seventy white envelopes. "Your box number is 827, you can use some of my paper and pens when we get back and I'll show you how to write a propper letter."  
  
"Hn."  
  
"You're welcome."  
  
Kurama was as good as his word and they sat down on his bed and got to work.  
  
"You said Koenma gave you this person's name and adress?"  
  
"Hai"  
  
Hiei pulled it out of his pocket and handed it to Kurama. The kitsune raised his eyebrows and a half smile graced his visage.  
  
"Nani?" Hiei inquired.  
  
"This person's name."  
  
"What about it?"  
  
"The surname, Diablose. It's a Latin word, which is an ancient dialect of Europe. Diablose means devil, or demon."  
  
"And?" Hiei hissed, although his interst was quipped.  
  
"The first name, Filan, is Italian, which is a current human language, it means cruel."  
  
"Oh really?"  
  
"Hai. The adress says the person lives in the U.S. There, given names come before surnames, so basically this person's name is Cruel Devil/Demon."  
  
Hiei smirked. This was proving to be interisting. He looked at Kurama to find that the fox was looking at him with an inquisitive stare. "Nani?"  
  
"Hiei, do you know English."  
  
"Not at the moment."  
  
"How do you expect to write the letter?"  
  
"I'll figure something out."  
  
"HIEI!"  
  
"I said I'll figure something out, and I will."  
  
Sighing, Kurama scrawled out an outline of a normal letter in a blank notebook and handed that and a couple of pens to Hiei.  
  
"As much as I love having you around," Kurama rolled his eyes when Hiei snorted. "I still have homework to do, and chores to complete before mother comes home. You should be able to carry on by yourself."  
  
Hiei took the notebook and pens, along with the mailing supplies and flitted out the window.  
  
Hiei stopped at the enterance to Genkai's temple. The old psychic offered Hiei and Yukina a place to stay there while they were in the Ningenki, as long as they helped keep the temple in shape. They both accepted. Walking past the training room, where fluent swear words were currently spewing, Hiei proceded down the hall to his chamber. Plopping the items down on his futon he took off again.  
  
As he neared the coast he slowed down. What he was looking for was some where around here. Looking around he saw two obviouly forign ningens dressed in odd green, khaki, black, brown, and grey pants. Hiei follwed them. They didn't even notice, and sevral blocks later, he reached his destination.  
  
It was a tall chain link fence, topped with razor and electric wire. Within the fence was a large grassy field and several buildings. Smirking, Hiei decided to have a little fun while he was here. Walking down the fence he found a semi sheltered place and lept over the barrier, laning lightly on the other side. No challenge.  
  
He loosened his bandana and folded his hands behind his back. He meandered deeper into the open land of the field, letting his Jagan open. He didn't go more than fifty paces before several sirens began to wail and people came pouring out of the buildings. Hiei's smirk grew deeper and he charged at the oncomming humans.  
  
Bullets fired, they were dodged easily. Hiei dove strait into the middle of the humans and kicked the nearest in the head. He dropped. Unable to use their guns the humans resorted to hand-to-hand combat themselves. It took a grand total of four point six minutes to put the swarm of ningens out of comission. His breathing wasn't even comming hard. Although that one female ningen showed potential. None of the humans were dead, or even had a strained muscle. Meerly unconcious.  
  
Deciding not to waist any more time he contented himself with flitting around the complex untill his Jagan had aquired him enough information with which he became fluent in the English language. With the sirens still blaring Hiei flitted away back to Genkai's temple.  
  
Back in his room. Hiei scooped up the notebook and a pen and began writing. He flipped the pages back and forth numerous times to make sure he wan't making any mistakes. He grew up believing that when you do something, do it right the first time. That and he was trying not to make an idiot of himself to some unknown human. While he was writing he decided not to tell the human about why he's really writing them, but to come up with something else, some form of plausable excuse. Finishing, he looked at the scrawls and scribbles on the page and imediately ripped it out of the notebook and copied it down on a clean sheet of paper.  
  
Just as he finished his door flew open. Yukina, Genkai, Yusuke, Kuwabaka-I mean Kuwabara, Botan, and a very, very angry Kurama piled in. "YOU ATTACKED THE U.S. EMBASSY!?!"  
  
"...So......?"  
  
The reactions were to be expected. Yukina covered her mouth and looked to the floor. Genkai rolled her eyes. Botan covered her face with her hands. Yusuke and Kuwabara statred laughing their fool heads off, and Kurama... Kurama looked like he was going to become the proud mother of a bovine.  
  
"I don't believe you sometimes!!" the mother to be snarled and stalked over to Hiei. He snatched the notebook paper out of the flame yuoki's hands and muttered. "I'm going to read this just to make sure you don't do something so incredably stupid again."  
  
Hiei shrugged and began adressing the envelope. Seeing his chance to 'punish' the other demon, Kurama began reading out loud.  
  
_"Dear Filan,  
  
You don't have the slightest idea who I am. I'll explain. I was bored, very bored, so I did what everybody does when their bored and surfed the 'net. I came across your profile, where your adress was displayed. ( I highly suggest you change that.) I wrote down your adress and tucked it away for a while. Recently I became bored again and found your adress and decided to write to you. So that's it.  
  
I'm living in Japan right now, I'm nineteen years old, and I don't know what else to say about myself that you would want to hear, so I'll change the subject.  
  
What gender are you? Your name doesn't do a very good job with indicating that, so I thought I'd ask. How old are you? Do you have siblings, if so how many? Do you have a job? What's your favorite subject in school and what are your hobbies?  
  
I don't have anything else to say and I hope you write back. My adress is at the bottom of the page.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Hiei Jaganshi."  
_  
Hiei glared daggers at Kurama who was smirking in turn.  
  
"What was that about?" Kuwabara asked.  
  
Sighing, because she was still exasperated from the whole Embassy thing, Botan explained.  
  
_That's it for now. I don't really know how the postal service in Japan works, but I'm guessing it's something like it is here in the U.S. so that's how I wrote it. Sorry the fight scene in the U.S. Embassy wasn't very long, but I suck at them, I am trying to improve that though, off of ff.n. The Italian and Latin words are real, and those are the translations, but I think I spelled Diablose wrong though. In the letter Hiei only says he's nineteen, he isn't really. Once again, I apologise for any errors, but I started this one right afer I wrote and posted the first chapter It's now a quarter till 7 am. So I pulled an all nighter. Who cares, I'm an insomniac anyway.  
  
In the next chapter: Hiei gets a reply. He finds out he made a HUGE blooper in his letter, explinations on the Kurama bashing. (Sorry Kurama, I love you but Hiei is still my favorite.) and some ramdom thing I have yet to think of. (ie: the whole U.S. Embassy thing) Laterz.  
  
C.o.M._


End file.
